First thing I want to share is my gratitude for today because I don't want it to get lost in what will surely be a long bit of rambling. . .
I am grateful today for good friends. Friends who will let you cry and feel a bit sorry for yourself and listen as you have a pity party. Friends who say the right things and help lift you back up again and help you regain the right perspective. Thank you H-
So I guess that has you curious what I was so in the dumps about, huh? In December my term on the Prima design team came to an end. I loved being on that team so I decided to apply again. I was really hopeful that I would be selected again. They announced the new team today and it didn't include me. I was crushed. I don't normally take not making a team so hard, heck I have applied for tons of them and not been selected, but I really did want this one. I like to think that things always happen for a reason and that they happen the way they do for the best, but this morning I couldn't see it. Maybe it was because I have been sick and not recovering as well as I had hoped for, maybe I am just wore down from surgery, I don't know, but I cried over it. Yup, I hate to admit it, but I cried over not making that team. Ugh! I hate admitting it. I feel like a sore loser for admitting it.
I know that I don't need validation for my work, I like what I do- how and what I create, I really do. At the end of the day, that is what matters, that I created something I liked and that the process brought me joy. I don't need the title of being on a design team to tell me that. But today, for just a little bit, I lost sight of that joy and took the opinions of others a little too personally. That is where an email conversation with a friend came in. I suppose having a good cry and pity party over something frivolous is okay sometimes, just as long as you have it real quick and get back to the business at hand. And that is what I did.
After all of that drama, I jumped in the shower for a super long, super hot shower. A hot steamy shower always help me feel better when I am all weepy like that. As I was scrubbing at the orange Betadine Paint STILL on my belly (after 5 days!!) I got to thinking about an unfortunate incident in the mid 80's. I am a very fair skinned person. My mom is red headed and I have been very lucky (?) to inherit her complexion. Some people have jokingly told me I lack pigment. I just don't tan, I freckle. I am okay with it now, but in my early teens, I wanted to be tan, which led to an unfortunate experience with a bottle of QT. Now I know that sunless tanners are the rage now and supposedly look really good, but in the early 80's, a bottle of QT was like iodine in a lotion. I was desperate though. I had failed at countless tanning attempts that included (brace yourself) rubbing melted Crisco on myself while laying out on a silver plastic tanning sheet. Picture if you will chicken frying. Anyway, on my complexion, QT gave me the appearance of having swam in a tub of iodine. Not pretty. The sad thing was, at first I thought it looked pretty good, well until I sweated and it ran. So anyway, today, showering and looking at my still orange belly gave me a flashback of that summer when I was orange and proud and donned a mini skirt to show off my rockin' tan.
Speaking of skin color, check out my lovely green hand (see above). It doesn't look too green in the photo, but in person it is GREEN with lovely shades of purple and so much more impressive. Emma was quite fascinated by it earlier and was very proud to point out that it matched my green t-shirt today. Finally, I have color!